Damage from the Closet as Gay Married Men in Fear of Coming-Out to a Straight Spouse & Family May Never Come True
By Dennis Schleicher
Behind the gay married man coming out lies his own traumatic tale of damage from his past, any person does not want to be rejected for belonging to a minority which society in the past historically has many stigmatized as immoral, unnatural or bad. Therefor so many gay men never come-out from the closet. So many of us who are attracted to the same sex deny or repress our true feelings of being called “gay.”
The discovery of your husband same-sex orientation often seems to a spouse like a confirmation of their own self-worth. Many women don’t tell anyone what is now “our secret” out of embarrassment, fear and now much shame. Some are asked by their husband not to tell because of fear of anti-gay reactions in the community or the fear of losing a job, friends and how others see the family, fearing rejection of job loss, social status or self-respect.
The majority of married gay men say they sensed being different from other men or realized their same-sex preference when marrying, but most decided to live a straight lifestyle, remaining gay only in self-identity, feelings or fantasies. Feeling their love for their straight wife was so strong to make them forget or overcome any sexual attraction to men.
Healing this kind of damage takes years of working with in therapy as well as groups that can help you come out and feel its fine to be yourself, own your life.
Support & Resources
Find Tips & Resources to Face The Challenges of Living Openly Gay:
Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) is here for you. Our members are parents, families and friends of LGBT people and LGBT people themselves. We have been through much of what you are now feeling. We understand.