Support for The Other Man, Wives of Gay Men & Husbands of Straight Wives

"Damn Straight," Pick Straight or Gay, The “CHOICE”

Pick Straight or Gay, The “CHOICE”

Damn Straight by Dennis Schleicher

One of the ongoing debates among humanity continues to be whether a person is born gay or becomes gay. I have men and women writing to me on a regular basis insisting that their husbands weren’t born gay—but rather “made” gay. They try to convince me that early sexual molestation in the formative years of life changes a man’s sexuality. Or they keep insisting that gay is a “choice”—like eating ice cream. Pick vanilla or chocolate—pick straight or gay. They can’t understand how a man who functioned for years as a straight man is now a gay man. Further, they can’t understand how a man with a loving family—wife, children, in-laws, and other extensions--would be willing to give up everything after 5, 10, 15, 20, or more years for a sexual act. Or sometimes they will never make the “choice.” Could sex be that important to us all?

I know that we are born gay. It’s a tough stretch for me to believe that anyone can be “made” gay. No overbearing mother or distant father is enough to change someone’s sexuality. If that was the case, half the world would be gay—and that’s not the case. I don’t believe our husbands have any choice in being gay. If they had a choice, they would choose “straight.” They spend years trying to be straight which is why they marry us to start with. But the reality is that no more than we can make them gay, we can’t make them straight no matter what we do or how we try. It is what it is—a crazy, mixed up tragedy that creates lots of victims along the way. Gay is just not a choice—being honest about it is a choice.

Post Your Thought and Be Honest?  --Dennis Schleicher

 

Is Your Relationship Full of Trust, Success & Love, Or Is Your Man Gay?

Is Your Relationship Full of Trust, Success & Love, Or Is Your Man Gay? by Dennis Schleicher

Without a healthy foundation of trust, relationships don’t have a chance for success. Healthy relationships need to be based on integrity, followed by honesty. This means being truthful to your husband, wife, or spouse. This means keeping your promises, especially to those you love.

Shocking News & Statistics

The Centers for Disease Control, CDC, http://www.cdc.gov/ estimates that at least 4,000,000 women have been involved with men that have had sex with another man! This affects a large portion of Americans. This is more people than all the residents in the state of Connecticut combined. This is what I would call an epidemic! Most of the women I talk to never even see it coming. The notion or fact that their husband might be gay, secretly living a double life style.

An alarming statistic, performed by The Family Pride Coalition; http://www.familyequality.org/ clearly states that 20% of all gay men in America are in heterosexual marriages. Is this the reason my support group is growing by leaps and bounds? Is this why my book “Forbidden Love with a Married Man; E-Mail Diaries” is selling so well?

So what should you do if you discover your husband is gay? You've made the first step, by Googling or visiting our website - Blog. The next step is to visit http://www.gayhusbands.com/ and sign up for Bonnie Kaye’s free newsletter or purchase her book that contains an in depth compilation of her best letters. Bonnie Kaye's Straight Talk: A Collection of Her Best Newsletters About Gay Husbands Bonnie is also available for relationship counseling, will except phone appointments.

Be safe, Dennis Schleicher Author of an explosives and controversial memoir; Forbidden Love with a Married Man: E-mail Diaries

Tell Us What You Think by Posting Your Comments;

Gay Husbands Are Proud of Andy Cohen on Bravo

Gay Husbands Are Proud Of Andy Cohen on Bravo

The growing popularity of NBC's Bravo senior executives Andy Cohen is showing the men in my support group, that it's okay to be who you are. That it's okay to be truthful to your wives about your sexual orientation. I see this as the second round in the movement of gay husbands to 'come out' to their wives and loved ones. The first movement began with Queer Eye Fab 5, to follow BrokeBack Mountain. Now I'm seeing a surge in husbands wanting to come out of the closet and we owe much thanks to people like Andy Cohen and Jeff Lewis of Flipping Out.

"Watch What Happens Live, was envisioned as a 12-week test of a format that Bravo has long wanted: a live, topical talk show. The channel’s reality shows already generate “so much water cooler conversation,” Mr. Cohen said. Why not host some of that conversation on Bravo? Great job, Andy, and thanks for making my Gay Husbands support group feel comfortable.

To find out more on Andy Cohen, visit his blog at; http://www.bravotv.com/blogs/andys-blog or post your Comments;

Be safe,

Dennis Schleicher Author of An Explosives and Controversial Memoir; Forbidden Love with a Married Man: E-mail Diaries

Photo of Andy Cohen by The Advocate

Walt Disney Asked to Protect Ex-Gays

Disney Asked to Protect Ex-Gays by Christopher Mangum

A Walt Disney Co. stockholder submitted a shareholder resolution asking the organization to include the protection of ex-gays in its sexual orientation nondiscrimination policy and diversity training programs.

It is about time Disney treated ex-gays with the respect they deserve," said Bobbie Strobhar, the stockholder who submitted the shareholder resolution, reports Rueters. "Former homosexuals are true models of courage who have been vilified by gay activists."

The organization Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays (PFOX) has come out in support of the resolution.

"Disney's exclusion of ex-gays from its sexual orientation policy and programs reinforces the second-class status of ex-gays, and contributes to the negative perceptions and discrimination against former homosexuals," said Regina Griggs, executive director of PFOX, in a press release announcing the resolution. "Former homosexuals who come out publicly are commonly targeted for ridicule and hate," added Griggs. "We need more of these resolutions nationwide to assure tolerance and safety in the workplace for the ex-gay community and their supporters."

The Walt Disney Co. has not yet acted upon the resolution. http://www.advocate.com/.

Post Your Comments!!! Be Safe- Dennis Schleicher

Sex Sells, Aids Kills - HIV - Understanding Risky Sex for Married Closeted Men & Straight Wives

Sex Sells, Aids Kills - HIV - Understanding Risky Sex for Married Closeted Men by Dennis Schleicher

Yes, it has been quite a long time since I've discussed the ramifications of living a secret double lifestyle. It continues to amaze me that the number of married gay men secretly living a double life that have no intention of coming out to their spouse/wife of their homosexual encounters. Yes, that's you, the men that I talk to daily that believe, because you're posing as “straight” your immune to the epidemic of HIV and AIDS. So let’s talk:

The HIV antibody can take up to three months to develop and be detected in a blood test after the virus has been transmitted. THIS is not to be taken lightly, and all people testing for HIV should first receive proper counseling as to its advisability in their particular situation. The decision to test for HIV must be an individual one, and no one should allow themselves to be coerced into taking the test.

Understanding Risky Sex

Following activities are considered to present the highest risk:

· Oral Sex: The HIV virus in semen and vaginal fluids will normally be destroyed by stomach acids if ingested. The risk of infection increases if your partner is giving fellatio or cunnilingus has any small sores, ulcers, or cuts present in your mouth or gums. To minimize your risk, condoms could be used or latex barriers can be used during cunnilingus.

· Anal intercourse without condoms: The blood vessels in the rectum can easily rupture with the friction of sexual activity, creating a high risk of infection.

· Sharing sex toys: You should not share any sex toys with your partner because of the risk of cross-infection of the virus.

· Casual sex and multiple partners: With casual sex affairs you will never know the full sexual history of the other person. EVEN if your told I’m FINE OR CLEAN. BIG RED FLAG!

· The use of condoms reduces your risk by 98%. Safer sex activities or just NOT having sex at all is only way to stay 100% clean. Many if not ALL of the married men I deal with day in and day out are not educated as to safer sex activities which leads to cross-infection to there straight wife’s at home.

The CDC: http://www.cdc.gov/hiv Hartford Gay & Lesbian Health Collective: http://www.hglhc.org/ National HIV & STD Testing Resources: http://www.hivtest.org/

Bonnie Kaye Books - Author / Expert on Straight / Gay Marriages

The Gay Husband Checklist for Women Who Wonder ... Doomed Grooms: Gay Husbands of Straight Wives is Bonnie's second book. ... Newsletters About Gay Husbands ...

www.BonnieKayeBooks.com 

 

Gay Husbands/Straight Wives - Info, help and counseling for women who discover that their husbands are gay/bisexual.
www.GayHusbands.com

 

Do Tell Us Your Story by Posting Your Comments Anonymously ??? Be Safe - Dennis

 

The Gay Man's Therapist by Angelo Pezzote

Your Weekly Affirmtion: The sun is always shining behind the clouds, even if grey skies is all you can see. ~Angelo

All's He Cares About Is Himself!

Dear Angelo,

I am in love with my friend but he doesn't feel the same way about me. In fact, he's very self-absorbed. All he cares about is himself. He doesn't even treat me good, but he's all I think about. I can't imagine my life without him. I need him. I wish he could just see that I'm what he's been looking for. I find myself really lonely, doubting myself and questioning things. I'm miserable, thinking of hurting myself, knowing I'll never be able to be with him. I wonder if things will ever improve for me. I'm so confused right now. I don't want to end up old and alone surrounded by cats and dogs.

Signed, Sinking Ship

 

Dear Sinking Ship,

I'm sorry you're suffering through this awful situation. The pain of unrequited love can be excruciating and the ensuing grief can seem unbearable. I'm so glad you sent out this S.O.S. ! And you know what? Your use of humor at the end ("surrounded by cats and dogs") tells me you're going to be okay.

 

In the movie Titanic, Rose has to let go of Jack's frozen hand (allowing him to sink underwater) to get rescued. The lesson is that sometimes we have to let go of something we love to save ourselves. It's better for you to let him go and suffer the relatively short-term emotional pain rather than drawing out the misery of not having him. Anything less is masochistic.

 

As painful as it is, every time you think of him say, "I release you and wish you well." Then ask yourself, "what do I need to do to take care of myself right now?" Then do that. You must believe that you're trading this relationship in for a better one. The Universe is already directing the right guy to cross your path at the right time. Focus on that new love to come rather than on what didn't work out.

 

I also suggest you call the Trevor Project (a 24/7 confidential gay suicide & crisis prevention helpline http://www.trevorproject.org ) immediately at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR or 1-866-488-7386. I also recommend you consult with mental health experts such as a psychiatrist and a psychotherapist. It's also a good idea to attend a 12-step group such as CoDA (Co-Dependents Anonymous http://www.codependents.org ) or Al-Anon (http://www.al-anon.alateen.org ) for self-care, learning how to keep the focus on yourself.

All The Best, Angelo.

Author of Straight Acting - Gay Men, Masculinity, And Finding True Love

http://www.askangelo.com

Life...Who's Helping With Yours? Did you know I personally provide one on one support by telephone and internet (Skype) no matter where you are? I even pay for the call (by calling you). And for you recessionistas, I have a special low fee for your first session by phone or internet Reduced Introductory Session so you can try me out. I've actually reduced my fees in general to help my clients during this awful recession, and have phone/internet packages and rewards to help you save even more! There will never be a better time to begin than right now. Details Next Event MAKING LOVE Thu APR 16 8-10pm LGBT Center Free (Donation). Want more Ask Angelo advice? Want to Blog, Chat, Connect? Not yet a member? Register. Missed a Natty Newsletter? Sign in to the Members Area at AskAngelo.com and go to the Archives under your Mailing Lists tab.

 

Feel free to forward this e-zine to a friend. If they like it they can join to get it free at AskAngelo.com Win a free autographed copy of my book as a raffle prize. Anyone who joins our newsletter list or refers someone to our list in the next 30 days is entered.

Join LIFE...WHO'S HELPING WITH YOURS? LESSEN YOUR TROUBLES http://www.askangelo.com/ 

 

Supportively Yours,

Angelo Pezzote, MA, NCC, LMHC, LMFT, RPH

Tel (917) 673-5003 Manhattan, NY www.AskAngelo.com 

 

Editor’s note: As one of the best clinical psychotherapist, especially within the genre of gay, lesbian, bisexual, questioning, and transgender issues, Angelo Pezzote can undoubtedly help you with a broad range of concerns including: relationships, anxiety, depression, addiction, trauma (abuse), sexuality, and gender. He is available by appointment in-person, over the phone, or internet (Skype), which allows him to counsel any of my support group members no matter where you are throughout the country.

Dennis Schleicher

Best-Selling Author and Support Group Counselor

http://gayhusbands.wordpress.com/ 

You Think Someone is GAY? How, What & Why? What Does Gay Mean?

What if Someone You Think Is Gay

 

 Throughout the past couple of months I have been receiving some basic questions that I feel deserve attention.  Therefore, most of society still lives in the dark ages wondering if gay is a choice?  How did I become gay?  What did they mean?  Can prayer heal my sexual orientation?  Therefore, I have composed the following;

 

What does “gay mean?

Someone who is attracted to people of the same sex is Gay or homosexual.  These words can refer to both men and women, although a lot of women prefer to be called lesbian.  Someone who is attracted to people of the opposite sex is called heterosexual or straight.  Someone who is attracted to people of and the opposite sex is called bisexual.  Gay, straight, or bisexual are all the terms that describe persons sexual orientation or identity and sexual orientation simply refers to the sex (or gender) of the people you are attracted to.  In other words, if your sexual orientation is Gay, then you are attracted to someone of the same sex.

 

How do you become gay?

You cannot become gay, just like you cannot become straight.  This is how it works: all of us have feelings of sexual attraction.  Most of us have these feelings for people of the opposite sex.  Some of us have these feelings for people of the same sex.  Some people have feelings of sexual attraction for both the same sex and the opposite sex.

 

What exactly are “feelings of sexual attraction”?

As we grow into adolescence, and our bodies change, we begin to have strong feelings of attraction that are different from and more intense then, the good feelings you might have for a relative or friend.  It is the strong feelings of sexual attraction that make us want to have a sexual relationship with some of the same sex.  These feelings began before puberty, and for others they do not calm until after we become full adults.  These special feelings of excitement and desire are difficult to describe, but you will know them when you experience them.

 

Are gay people, able to become straight through prayer?

NO.  Gay people cannot become straight through prayer.  That Idea is just as unrealistic as thinking that heterosexual people become gay through prayer.  Still, many people have encouraged their day children to pray for a healing to occur.  Christian fundamentalists are the backbone for many gays believing in self-hatred that is associated with self-esteem and self-worth issues. 

 

Tell us what you think???

 

Vision, Mission, Strategic Goals, Support, Well-being of Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Families & Friends with PFLAG.

Our Vision

 

We, the parents, families and friends of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender persons, celebrate diversity and envision a society that embraces everyone, including those of diverse sexual orientations and gender identities. Only with respect, dignity and equality for all will we reach our full potential as human beings, individually and collectively. PFLAG welcomes the participation and support of all who share in, and hope to realize this vision.

 

Our Mission

PFLAG promotes the health and well-being of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender persons, their families and friends through: support, to cope with an adverse society; education, to enlighten an ill-informed public; and advocacy, to end discrimination and to secure equal civil rights. Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays provides opportunity for dialogue about sexual orientation and gender identity, and acts to create a society that is healthy and respectful of human diversity. 

Our Strategic Goals

I. Build the capacity of our organization at every level so that we may have all the resources, in the form of information, people and funding, necessary to move forward in our work with the greatest possible effect.

II. Create a world in which our young people may grow up and be educated with freedom from fear of violence, bullying and other forms of discrimination, regardless of their real or perceived gender identity or sexual orientation or that of their families.

III. Make our vision and our message accessible to the broadest range of ethnic and cultural communities, ending the isolation of families with gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender family members within those communities.

IV. Work toward full inclusion of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender persons within their chosen communities of faith.

V. Create a society in which all GLBT persons may openly and safely pursue the career path of their choice, and may be valued and encouraged to grow to their full potential in the workplace.

VI. Create a society in which all gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender persons may enjoy, in every aspect of their lives, full civil and legal equality and may participate fully in all the rights, privileges and obligations of full citizenship in this country.

We welcome the participation and support of all who share in our Vision and Mission and who hope to realize our goals.

Let's Talk About Sex, Tell Your Doctor if Your Gay

Time to Tell Your Doctor!!!

Let’s talk about sex…

Why it’s vital to get personal with your doctor

The other day I had one angry married man on the phone that is pretending to be straight, allowing his wife to contract deadly diseases as he continues to practice unsafe sexual activities with his male undercover partners.

My client was outraged as he said, “Dennis, what goes on in my bedroom is none of my doctor’s &#@$ business.” I couldn’t disagree more. Sure, talking to your doctor about sex, particularly as a gay patient, can be embarrassing, but our sexuality is the primary basis for the differences in the heath care need of heterosexuals and gay people. Certainly, the ongoing AIDS crisis has taught us to be mindful of our health care concerns associated with sex. You would think? Not, as married, gay, men living in the closet. I am finding that more so-called heterosexual men are contacting me each and every day that practice unsafe sex. Research proves it. More men living on the (DL,) Down Low, or that are engaged in marriages to a wife are coming up positive. Doctors and researchers now know other ways in which our needs are unique; mental heath-as evidenced by the study from the Journal of Heath and Social Behavior. Special concern as well.

Just because you are wearing a wedding band and posing as straight, heterosexual, or what ever you justify it as, Does not mean you are not affected by this situation and actions that are associated with sexual behavior. Your wedding band does not help your Doctor!

I personally have a blast talking to my doctor about it. I must be blunt. If you do not feel comfortable sharing this with your doctor. He or she is not the one for you! Find a new (PCP,) primary care physician. NOW!

I use a female doctor at Colchester Internal Medicine, in CT. who I feel I can share the world with. Dr. Hylwa, knows my innermost darkest secrets. Isn’t that what the doctor is for? We personally have fun talking about the subject as she makes light of the situation. This is a good thing. Have fun with your Dr. and most of all be honest. Knowledge is power, and it’s my goal to help arm you with that power. I’ll answer your health-related questions. If I don’t know the answers, I have the resources to find out.

Be Safe-

Best-selling Author of an Explosive and Controversial Memoir;

Forbidden Love with a Married Man: E-mail Diaries

What is Self-homophobia = Low Self-Esteem

What is Self-homophobia = Low Self-Esteem

By Dennis Schleicher

Self-homophobia arise form a number of situations. Manifesting from behavior in our guilt of relationships as it might result in hurtful thoughts and feelings towards gays or from our own guilt associated with being gay. Whatever its origin self homophobia as both nonsexual and sexual manifestations, I find these particularly true in married-gay men that are caught secretly living a double life. Ultimately, not being true to the ones they love, which trickles down the chain to themselves. This results in forms of self-destructive time-wasting that forces us away from the task of finding a partner. This can demoralize us, which will lead to a sense of failure, and more Self-homophobia. What exactly is Self-homophobia, warning signs that health care professionals could be looking for;

• Excessive guilt about your anger.

• Excessive guilt about your sexuality.

• Fear and rage toward gays.

• Excessive denial about sexuality in general.

• Not willing to accept yourself and others.

You should understand when it is time to seek professional help as you are suffering from prolonged or any kind of depression that is:

• Making you feel suicidal.

• Keeping you from forming new relationships.

• Robbing you much enjoyment in life.

• Causing you to act self-destructive in Anyway.

Ultimately, the diagnosis must come from your doctor or therapist professionals. Please feel free to post your comments and opinions below. Be safe,

Recommended Books on the Subject;