Support for The Other Man, Wives of Gay Men & Husbands of Straight Wives

"Damn Straight," Pick Straight or Gay, The “CHOICE”

Pick Straight or Gay, The “CHOICE”

Damn Straight by Dennis Schleicher

One of the ongoing debates among humanity continues to be whether a person is born gay or becomes gay. I have men and women writing to me on a regular basis insisting that their husbands weren’t born gay—but rather “made” gay. They try to convince me that early sexual molestation in the formative years of life changes a man’s sexuality. Or they keep insisting that gay is a “choice”—like eating ice cream. Pick vanilla or chocolate—pick straight or gay. They can’t understand how a man who functioned for years as a straight man is now a gay man. Further, they can’t understand how a man with a loving family—wife, children, in-laws, and other extensions--would be willing to give up everything after 5, 10, 15, 20, or more years for a sexual act. Or sometimes they will never make the “choice.” Could sex be that important to us all?

I know that we are born gay. It’s a tough stretch for me to believe that anyone can be “made” gay. No overbearing mother or distant father is enough to change someone’s sexuality. If that was the case, half the world would be gay—and that’s not the case. I don’t believe our husbands have any choice in being gay. If they had a choice, they would choose “straight.” They spend years trying to be straight which is why they marry us to start with. But the reality is that no more than we can make them gay, we can’t make them straight no matter what we do or how we try. It is what it is—a crazy, mixed up tragedy that creates lots of victims along the way. Gay is just not a choice—being honest about it is a choice.

Post Your Thought and Be Honest?  --Dennis Schleicher

 

Gay Fathers and Husbands of Ohio Support Group

If you’re a gay or bi-sexual man who has been in relationships with women – you’re not alone. Gay Fathers and Husbands understands … and maybe we can help each other.

You are not alone...we understand.

The Gay Fathers and Husbands group is an informal association of gay and bi-sexual men who may have in common current or past marriages or partnered relationships with women. Some individuals may have natural or adopted children from these relationships. Members of the Gay Fathers and Husbands group meet monthly to discuss issues and needs held in common, and to offer support to one another by sharing experiences, encouragement, and hope. Friends and supporters are normally welcome at the meetings, and guests may be invited to address special topics. The group determines the purpose and direction of meetings. Attendance will range from as few as 8 to as many as 30 or more. Meetings are casual – no dues. GFAH has been meeting in the Akron Area since 1990.

"Live your life so that your children can tell their  children that you not only stood for something wonderful-you acted on it." --Dan Zadra Gay Fathers & Husbands of Ohio

Our group attempts to:

• Provide a support and communications network for gay fathers;
• Encourage cooperative action in promoting the common interests of gay fathers and their families;
• Provide opportunities for social interaction between gay fathers, their children, and friends;
• Promote and sponsor activities that present a positive image of gay fathers and to encourage acceptance of alternative parenting.

Participants come from all over NE Ohio and Western PA. Members represent all ages, jobs, backgrounds and stages of life -- including young men with newborns to older men with grandchildren ... and some participants have no children. Some men are married or separated or divorced. GFAH is not a dating club or a religious group. Being "out" is not a requirement for participating at meetings, and all members agree to respect the privacy of individuals who attend the meetings.

"A Note from Dennis" Wow, I stumbled across ‘Gay Fathers & Husbands of Ohio’ on the Internet, when searching on Google. I wish every state had an organization like this to represent all the positive aspects of gay parenting. My dream is that in time, every state and county will have an organization like Gay Fathers of Ohio. All it takes is for one parent to have a dream and to be consistent. Please feel free to post your comments or visits; Gay Fathers & Husbands of Ohio 

Be safe, Dennis Schleicher

Author of an explosives and controversial memoir; Forbidden Love with a Married Man: E-mail Diaries

Tell Us What You Think by Posting Your Comments;

photo is by Gay Fathers and Husbands of Ohio

Is Your Relationship Full of Trust, Success & Love, Or Is Your Man Gay?

Is Your Relationship Full of Trust, Success & Love, Or Is Your Man Gay? by Dennis Schleicher

Without a healthy foundation of trust, relationships don’t have a chance for success. Healthy relationships need to be based on integrity, followed by honesty. This means being truthful to your husband, wife, or spouse. This means keeping your promises, especially to those you love.

Shocking News & Statistics

The Centers for Disease Control, CDC, http://www.cdc.gov/ estimates that at least 4,000,000 women have been involved with men that have had sex with another man! This affects a large portion of Americans. This is more people than all the residents in the state of Connecticut combined. This is what I would call an epidemic! Most of the women I talk to never even see it coming. The notion or fact that their husband might be gay, secretly living a double life style.

An alarming statistic, performed by The Family Pride Coalition; http://www.familyequality.org/ clearly states that 20% of all gay men in America are in heterosexual marriages. Is this the reason my support group is growing by leaps and bounds? Is this why my book “Forbidden Love with a Married Man; E-Mail Diaries” is selling so well?

So what should you do if you discover your husband is gay? You've made the first step, by Googling or visiting our website - Blog. The next step is to visit http://www.gayhusbands.com/ and sign up for Bonnie Kaye’s free newsletter or purchase her book that contains an in depth compilation of her best letters. Bonnie Kaye's Straight Talk: A Collection of Her Best Newsletters About Gay Husbands Bonnie is also available for relationship counseling, will except phone appointments.

Be safe, Dennis Schleicher Author of an explosives and controversial memoir; Forbidden Love with a Married Man: E-mail Diaries

Tell Us What You Think by Posting Your Comments;

Gay Husbands Are Proud of Andy Cohen on Bravo

Gay Husbands Are Proud Of Andy Cohen on Bravo

The growing popularity of NBC's Bravo senior executives Andy Cohen is showing the men in my support group, that it's okay to be who you are. That it's okay to be truthful to your wives about your sexual orientation. I see this as the second round in the movement of gay husbands to 'come out' to their wives and loved ones. The first movement began with Queer Eye Fab 5, to follow BrokeBack Mountain. Now I'm seeing a surge in husbands wanting to come out of the closet and we owe much thanks to people like Andy Cohen and Jeff Lewis of Flipping Out.

"Watch What Happens Live, was envisioned as a 12-week test of a format that Bravo has long wanted: a live, topical talk show. The channel’s reality shows already generate “so much water cooler conversation,” Mr. Cohen said. Why not host some of that conversation on Bravo? Great job, Andy, and thanks for making my Gay Husbands support group feel comfortable.

To find out more on Andy Cohen, visit his blog at; http://www.bravotv.com/blogs/andys-blog or post your Comments;

Be safe,

Dennis Schleicher Author of An Explosives and Controversial Memoir; Forbidden Love with a Married Man: E-mail Diaries

Photo of Andy Cohen by The Advocate

GAY HUSBAND CHECK LIST by Bonnie Kaye

GAY HUSBAND CHECK LIST by Bonnie Kaye @ www.GayHusbands.com

The most frequently asked question Bonnie receive as a counselor is this: "Is there any definite way to know if my husband is gay before or during the marriage?"

There is only one sure way--if the man is honest! Since this rarely happens, this chapter provides a list of behavior patterns that can be clear indicators in determining whether your man might be gay. Some of these behaviors include:

1. You have a normal sexual appetite, but your mate thinks you have excessive sexual needs. 2. There is a decline of sexual activity early in your marriage. 3. Your husband is repulsed by normal sexual activity. 4. Your mate admits to having had more than two homosexual encounters. 5. Your husband reveals he's bisexual. 6. Your partner visits gay bars claiming he’s there only to hang out with his gay friend(s) 7. Your mate watches porno movies with gay male scenes. 8. Your mate makes continual homophobic comments. 9. Your partner’s ego appears to be boosted by compliments from gay men. Each month, Bonnie Kaye write a monthly newsletter dealing with the issues that straight - gay marriages face. This is a FREE publication offered to anyone who would like to receive it. The newsletter is sent out as a Microsoft Word attachment. If you would like to be on the monthly mailing list, please email me and request it. The newsletter comes out in the middle of each month. Bonnie Kaye's E-mail Address is;  BonKaye@aol.com

Why Gay Marriage Matters in America?

Why Gay Marriage Matters?

By Dennis Schleicher

Our freedom-to-marry in my mind is the same as all civil rights struggles that have taken place in the USA. Our civil rights struggle has been about taking seriously our country’s promise to be a nation its citizens can be proud of. Our right to marriage has a lot to do with not hiding or setting us as different, gay, ill, or not normal. Gay’s often feel like a largely invisible and highly vilified minority. The last civil rights struggle left. Equality is a question of our civil rights to live in a nation under God as one. The true reason so many of the wives married to gay husbands have there would destroyed when the truth is reveled about one’s so called straight married life is due to our own federal government’s homophobia. America’s promise of equality for same-sex couples would put an end to the suffering of thousands of men and wives of gay men who attend my support groups, blogs, call in talk-shows, stopping the sales of my best-selling memoir; Forbidden Love with a Married Man; E-mail Diaries. I guess it would be considered a classic. LOL. That would be fine by me seeing first hand the destructive effects of all the shattered wives, lives and grooms I’ve worked with over the years. Do you think the federal government will officially recognize same-sex marriages??? To learn more about what's being done to educate people to actively support this legislation, visit http://www.freedomtomarry.org/.

Working together we all must stand strong put and end to homophobia.

Be Safe, Dennis Schleicher Best-Selling Author of an Explosive & Controversial Memoir: Forbidden Love with a Married Man; E-Mail Diaries Forbidden Love with a Married Man: E-mail Diaries 

Books I Like;

 This is by Dan Savage. Other's;

Why Marriage Matters by Evan Wolfson

Sexual Secrets of your Husbands

Sexual Secrets of your Husbands

By Dennis Schleicher

Are you a wife who knows their husband is keeping a secret? Can a real man confess the truth about his secret life? Telling the truth for the many men in my support group is often easer sad than done.

Forgiveness If you are not willing to forgive you will be stuck in this mess for life. Even when you let go of your gay husband this process is powerful. Being gay is not a mistake rather it’s the truth of your husbands natural sexuality. Non-forgiveness will lead to being cold single person existents of miserable lessons to learn for life. In any relationship contentious issues arise. When it comes to cheating, well, this may require many hours of counseling. When I counsel x-wives there is a big fear of sex. {To find therapy in your area send Dennis an e-mail or post on this blog.}

Lying about an affair is often the norm. Not being faithful to your wife is both emotionally & physically draining. When a wife catches you having an affair, her entire world as she knew it today, just fell apart. What makes this worse is when we lie about it. Yes it’s very easy for men to lie about their sins of lust. The honorable thing to do is to come clean and tell the truth. Yes, you may and should lose your wife in the process if you still have sex with men. At least you did not continue to carry your lie. When you cheat, be a real man and tell the truth to your wife and loved ones.

Be Safe,

Dennis Schleicher

Best Selling Author of; Forbidden Love with a Married Man: E-mail Diaries by Dennis Schleicher

Recommended Therapist:

• Bonnie Kaye (215) 288-6959 www.GayHusbands.com

• Angelo Pezzote (917) 673-5003 http://www.askangelo.com/ or http://www.AskAngelo.blogspot.com

 Both are best selling authors and available for phone sessions The Gay Husband Checklist for Women Who Wonder by Bonnie Kaye Bonnie Kaye's Straight Talk: A Collection of Her Best Newsletters About Gay Husbands How I Made My Husband Gay: Myths About Straight Wives Straight Acting: Gay Men, Masculinity and Finding True Love by Angelo Pezzote

Post your comments;

It's Not 'Straight' or 'Gay,' It's What You've Done; Study Raises Questions About What 'Straight' Means for Some Men

It's Not 'Straight' or 'Gay,' It's What You've Done

Study Raises Questions About What 'Straight' Means for Some Men

By BILL BLAKEMORE with abc NEWS http://www.abcnews.go.com

Nearly 10 percent of men who told public health pollsters they were straight also told them they'd had sex with a man in the previous 12 months, according to a study conducted in New York City. While significant questions remain about how reliable these figures are, experts in gay men's medicine say it's a real phenomenon among all ethnic groups and one that should be publicized more. "It's found among all groups, certainly including white males," said Dr. Stephen Goldstone, whose practice at New York's Mount Sinai Hospital treats mostly gay men. Recent reports, including a segment on "The Oprah Winfrey Show," have publicized the practice known among African American men as "the down low," in which men "love their wives but have sex with men" -- and don't identify themselves as homosexual. The new study, based on a 2003 phone survey of 10,000 residents by New York's public health department, found that 38 percent of the men (who said they were straight but had had sex with a man in the previous year) were white, 29 percent were Hispanic, 23 percent black and 10 percent Asian, multiple race or other. Though there are questions about how accurate the study is, the researchers and health professionals agree that the underlying message is important. "We still have a lot to learn about how to ask people about this sensitive issue," Dr. Harold Sox, editor of the Annals of Internal Medicine, told ABC News. "The main reason we published it was to send a clear message for doctors -- that it's not enough to just ask a person's sexual identity." Goldstone agreed that many doctors have a long way to go. "Sometimes, doctors even assume that because a man has a wedding ring, he's not having sex with men," he said. "The labels homosexual or heterosexual or gay and straight are simply not enough. Doctors must ask specifically 'What are you doing -- have you had sex with a man?'" "I didn't need this survey to give me the general picture," said Goldstone, who has been treating gay men in the New York area for three decades and is also a professor at Mt. Sinai. "We're now taking great care to teach our medical students about this."

With Hopes of Returning Home as a Functional Straight or Heterosexual Family

This poem was sent to me by a wife of the gay husband, who is in such denial that she couldn't accept her husband's double lifestyle as a gay married man. As she was pleading, please stay...

 

Here We Go Again Please just let me in again We have so much to do There is not much time, For what we need to get done We wasted the first part of Now there is nothing left Too much time has passed I some how forget the day Because I closed my eyes, And you slipped away But you won’t do that Or maybe you do not need me, Like I need you Accept me as I am You knew me my positive ways Now we need to find a new way, To make this thing work out What do you have to say? I have given my plea Please don’t reject me You can see what I am worth, Understand where I may be For that is the purpose of our lives, Is to be together, As a family the way we have been for the past 15 years… ----Sandy C

Why Is My Husband Gay? Did I Make Him Gay?

Why Is My Husband Gay? Did I Make Him Gay?

Over four million Americans are effected by an epidemic of relationship shifting that breaks traditional notions of what a couple is and what they should be. Men or women that have denied their true sexuality in order to follow the societal norm of the traditional marriage scenario are increasingly finding other options to fulfill who they really are. In that process of “coming out”, I’ve seen both men, women and children suffer the collateral damage of lives that will forever be changed. Through many support groups, both online and off, through books, including my own and through honest communication with each other, it is my intent to provide this as a place for any person involved in this kind of relationship to find safe haven.